Like Robbie Williams before her, Mel C has turned her back on the exploitation of pre-pubescents through corny pop tunes to re-invent herself as a 'credible' solo artist. Unlike Robbie Williams, success ain't beckoning. Whereas Robbie's first move was to decampo for a weekend's narcotic abuse with The Gallaghers, Mel C had the cheek to cover 'Anarchy In The UK' at Chelmsford and then had the arrogance to be affronted when she was booed and heckled from the stage. The promotion campaign for her debut album centres around the fallacy that Mel C is the talented one of the five music industry spice puppets. But the hype the LP has generated has nothing to do with talent and everything to do with the extortionate amount of money ploughed into hiring collaborators, songwriters and producers to create a product for her famous name to sell. It will be a damning indictement of British music if the ploy succeeds. Fortunately, 'Northern Star' is far too weak a record to attract anyone other than those for whom purchase is compulsory for the name on the sleeve. Mel - sorry, Melanie now we're all mature and credible - doubtless believes her own musical tastes are reflected in the incohesive assortment of styles hurled together here. In truth, her menagerie of songwriters (or collaborators if anyone actually believes Mel writes any of this drivel) have simply plagiarised Texas, Garbage, Sheryl Crow etc., and fashioned Mel's vocals to sound like a scouse Diana Ross. The result is an appalling pastiche of the supposed inspiration for these songs. Each track is hollow, insincere and wreaking of over- production. Single 'Goin' Down' is a cringeworthy mish-mash of squawky, shouty nonsense while 'Why' has a sample of a small kitten being strangled, unless Mel is performing a most plausible impersonation. Lisa Left Eye from TLC guests on 'Never Be The Same Again' and guess what, it sounds just like a crap TLC song. There is one saving grace. 'I Turn To You' attempts to be nothing other than a pop song. No pretentions to cool, just a melody and disco beat. This track alone represents Mel C favourably - for what she is - an industry fashioned pop star. Nothing more.

Guernica